Miserable
So my blog is back from its wanders and I didn't have to do anything. I hope it noted how the other blogs didn't run off from home without a word, leaving their owners in distress :)
This is the long Independence holiday weekend and I should be thrilled at having several days of not being reporting to work. But that's not the case, spirits are very low. Just last week I was bubbling with anticipation of going to Reggae Sunsplash tomorrow. Now, I'm heeing and hawing and wondering if I should go. One part of me wants to go not just to see Beenie Man, and Junior Gong, Steel Pulse, UB40 and the rest, but also for the lyme. I wanted to see what the new Reggae Sunsplash is going to be like. Plus, I want to be at the first Sunsplash after its 10 years absence. Was also looking forward to climbing Dunns River Falls Sunday after Sunsplash, in addition to testing out my new swim skills outside of a 'swimming pool' environment.
A part of me wants to just vegetate in front of the tv, locked in my house for the whole weekend not speaking to anyone. It's just one of those days where even though I know I have loads of things to be thankful for, that fact is not comforting to me. I'm here, beseted with negative ruminations and introspection. It's one of those nights where I'm bothered by everything, the little guys at the stoplights begging coins (why are they on the streets fending for themselves instead of enjoying their childhood anyway?), why am I not eagerly running home to a loving husband and 4 children (being an only child I've always wanted a big family)? Why do I at this stage of my life feel like I want to go spread my easel by the waterfront and paint the sunset instead of doing the 9-5 routine, why do I want to now throw caution to the wind, give up the the safe and orthodox life and go audition for a play/movie? I wonder if this is mid-life crisis I'm going through. But isn't the 30's too early to be going through a mid-life crisis? Am I being impractical for not accepting the affection of my very patient suitor - he's been waiting 15 years without a sign that he'll be rewarded for his patience (he must be the last of the very patient type). Am I going to grow old alone? Ok, I won't be alone I know but aren't I going to have my own family? Am I being punished for wanting the person to be 'just so?' I'm not being too picky? Or am I? So these are the thoughts running through my mind now - is there any 'right' answer?
So, should I just sulk the long weekend away? Should I put on a happy face and go frolicking on the warm Ocho Rios beach after enjoying a night of pulsating reggae music, feasting on jerk chicken and boiled corn, imbibing the laughter of friends? Let me sleep on it.
Oh, there another grouse. Why can't I win the damn lottery anyway?
This is the long Independence holiday weekend and I should be thrilled at having several days of not being reporting to work. But that's not the case, spirits are very low. Just last week I was bubbling with anticipation of going to Reggae Sunsplash tomorrow. Now, I'm heeing and hawing and wondering if I should go. One part of me wants to go not just to see Beenie Man, and Junior Gong, Steel Pulse, UB40 and the rest, but also for the lyme. I wanted to see what the new Reggae Sunsplash is going to be like. Plus, I want to be at the first Sunsplash after its 10 years absence. Was also looking forward to climbing Dunns River Falls Sunday after Sunsplash, in addition to testing out my new swim skills outside of a 'swimming pool' environment.
A part of me wants to just vegetate in front of the tv, locked in my house for the whole weekend not speaking to anyone. It's just one of those days where even though I know I have loads of things to be thankful for, that fact is not comforting to me. I'm here, beseted with negative ruminations and introspection. It's one of those nights where I'm bothered by everything, the little guys at the stoplights begging coins (why are they on the streets fending for themselves instead of enjoying their childhood anyway?), why am I not eagerly running home to a loving husband and 4 children (being an only child I've always wanted a big family)? Why do I at this stage of my life feel like I want to go spread my easel by the waterfront and paint the sunset instead of doing the 9-5 routine, why do I want to now throw caution to the wind, give up the the safe and orthodox life and go audition for a play/movie? I wonder if this is mid-life crisis I'm going through. But isn't the 30's too early to be going through a mid-life crisis? Am I being impractical for not accepting the affection of my very patient suitor - he's been waiting 15 years without a sign that he'll be rewarded for his patience (he must be the last of the very patient type). Am I going to grow old alone? Ok, I won't be alone I know but aren't I going to have my own family? Am I being punished for wanting the person to be 'just so?' I'm not being too picky? Or am I? So these are the thoughts running through my mind now - is there any 'right' answer?
So, should I just sulk the long weekend away? Should I put on a happy face and go frolicking on the warm Ocho Rios beach after enjoying a night of pulsating reggae music, feasting on jerk chicken and boiled corn, imbibing the laughter of friends? Let me sleep on it.
Oh, there another grouse. Why can't I win the damn lottery anyway?
posted by Gela @ 9:23 PM
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